I start my bar journey today: 18 February 2021. And I want to puke. then cry. then start tomorrow instead. I was just reading the bar tips from BOC and a friend of mine–both gave this very wise advice: determine your strengths and weaknesses. I have a lot of the latter and none of the…… Continue reading Day 0
It’s so vivid for me. The objects I’ll use, the time of the day, the people who’ll see and the places I’ll be when I do it. It’s not so detailed as recipe book should be. Just descriptive enough, like, like … like a children’s story book, of how Rumpelstiltskin went down with his greed…… Continue reading x x x
I’m thinking of dying again. Of hanging like a lamp in this room, Maybe then all will be illuminated when I’m dead? I’m thinking of leaving this place. For good. My heart’s beating faster than it should. I can’t breathe. I’m drowning in tears I can’t shed. I’ll hang onto that rope to keep me…… Continue reading xxx 12/11/20
It’s the hardest to heal from the ones who hurt you unknowingly…because although you want them to, they never really get to say sorry, and you’re rarely aware of whose fault that is. I didn’t know I was accessory to my hope’s homicide.
I have so many emotions right now. Reading Your Word makes me cry I dunno why. Every single thing makes me wanna cry, even the old testament connects to me on a level I don’t understand. I just. I love You. I love You. I love You. Thank You. This lifetime is not enough to…… Continue reading Abba,
I used to think it was because I was resentful, had too much baggage and needed to unload all of that trash. I used to think it was my trust issue–I had friends but well, no friend can get my darkness which is really, I tell you, it’s dark in contrast to what I project…… Continue reading Why I write
There’s too much going on in my head rn but not much that my hands have accomplished. Actually, none at all. I feel so heavy… like dragging my feet to the end of this race. I don’t think my feelings are justified. More, I should give more. I should be more organized. I should be…… Continue reading Overload
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I am a cynic now, or I was a few seconds ago. I change my mind ever so often, I think I am a cynic again. Why did I become like this? I hate it. Or I hated it. I thought lacking belief and sparkle and joy and excitement was a curse…that, after years of…… Continue reading memento
“I can never be the woman I was a year ago,” were words uttered with so much regret and revulsion at the “I” of today who never met all my supposed to be’s. Looking back at all the sunshines and rainbows I wrote made me resentful of the oft and common rain clouds of my…… Continue reading dots